As you read through the Learner Vs. Judger questions, did you feel a difference between the two?
For me, the “Judger” questions drained my energy & brought up negative feelings & memories. They even brought up some feelings of guilt as I saw myself in some of them. They made me feel like a victim to my circumstances & other people.
The “Learner” questions filled me with hope & renewed energy. I wanted to be that type of person. I was more focused on myself & what I could do to change. I didn’t feel dependent on someone else for the solutions to my problems.
What was your experience? I love these quotes below by Marilee Adams. As you read them, consider how they apply to you & what you can learn from them:
“When conflict happens, most of us look at the other person and quickly sum up the situation in one thought: “What a jerk.” Usually we see the problem as the other person’s fault because we are so confident in the rightness of our feelings and perspective. Well I’m here to tell you, the responsibility is all yours. If you want to relate well with others, then take a step up on the emotional maturity ladder and begin to see conflict in a different light. Are you a judger or a learner?”
“If you want to improve your relationship with others, begin by taking a good, hard look at yourself. You can’t change that other person or their behaviors, but you can change your own. Begin by putting yourself in a learning mode. Be open to new ways of relating and resolving conflict. Your new behavior might just be the model for turning a judger in your life into more of a learner.”